So at the risk of thoroughly embarrassing myself I decided that it was a good time to try to start writing. Don't ask me why, I was just compelled to do it. Actually the real reason was I was told to by the big guy himself.
It gets very inappropriate at times so if that bothers you quit reading now.
It gets very inappropriate at times so if that bothers you quit reading now.
It started out like any other day. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. I was walking down the street minding my own business, when all of a sudden the sky opened up and lighting struck inches in front of my feet. As you can imagine I was like what the fuck is happening! The clouds, I shit you not started forming stairs that lead from the sky to my feet. Out of the opening at the top this old guy with a beard and a gold chains started walking towards me down the cloud stairs.
Again it was a what the fuck moment! Dude makes it to the bottom and I said "Who the hell are you old man?". The man turns to me and says "Nigga please, ya kna who I am!". Dumbfounded I just continued to stare. "I'm the one and only G to the OD." I still have no idea who this old man thinks he is. "God motha fucka!" he said in a very ghettoesk voice. I know right? I was surprised too! Who would of thought God spoke ebonics!
I'm not a firm believer in the "G to the OD" as he called himself, but holy shit he's standing right there in front of me. How can I not believe at this point! So I said to him" Okay G to the OD. Can I call you G to the OD?". He says "Sure thang nukka all my niggas call me dat". Again with the ebonics, really what the hell. I thought he would be more socially acceptable than that. I cant take him to parties or out to a fancy restaurants. Maybe more of an all knowing intellectual sort of man. Nope! Wrong! He's straight out of fucking Compton. "Your niggas? Do you mean your angels?"
Heres how the rest of the conversation played out.
God: "Aight, aight enough with the pleasantries. I aint here to play peek-a-boo with you."
Derek: "Umm okay? Then what can I do for you G O D?"
God: "I needs you to do sumfin fo me. I needs you to go home and create a blog and write all of your chaotic nonsensical ramblings."
Derek: "Seriously? Why? I dont write. Plus no one gives a shit!"
God: "Nigga do you want me to strike you the fuck down?!"
Shit he didn't have to tell me twice. I said "Yes master. Thank you master. I'll get right on that master. Don't whip me again master". Here I am thinking slave days were over but apparently God, not liking the white devil feels he needs to make up for the treatment of his African brethren. HE WASNT EVEN BLACK!
So it is what it is. I went home and started a blog. Maybe it will turn out to be something. Maybe not. All I know is that mother fucker scares me and I dont want to see that chain wearing, ebonics speaking, man any time soon!
